In the modern age of texting, emails, Facebook and instant messaging, we are able to maintain contact with a wider network of people than ever before, and that potential is wonderful because it frees our social interactions from our purely geographical confines in a way that has never before been possible. However, there is a lurking danger that is interwoven in that very same benefit.
The brevity of digital social interactions with which we have become accustomed is, in some respects, required of us by the sheer multitude of human beings who are each looking for our attention. We simply don’t have the time to engage in a lengthy and emotionally meaningful exchange with every person who contacts us via text message. In many regards, even the simple politeness of “hello!” and “how are you doing?” is completely missing from the social equation. Our concern for the people we are talking to becomes implicit in the fact that we are messaging them at all.
We use technology to share interesting thoughts, articles and images with people we think will appreciate them. We use technology to plan our social interactions. These uses and many more are wonderful, but unfortunately, we also often use technology to try to handle misunderstandings and relationship problems.
We certainly don’t want to limit our ability to connect with others, but we need to be more skillful in our communication because of the limitations of technology and the reactionary habits of the ego. As organized and efficient as texting allows us to be in many areas of life, and as nice as it is to be able to drop a quick “thinking of you” note to a friend, there are some serious limitations to what we can communicate via digital text.
To validate this claim I will go straight to the Source! Here is a quote from God him/her self:
“Words are really the least effective communicator. They are most open to misinterpretation, most often misunderstood.”
Conversations with God – Book One
by Neale Donald Walsch
Most people have heard at some point or another that up to 90% of communication is non-verbal. Meaning is conveyed in large part by body language, facial cues, tone and inflection. What most people DON’T realize is that when we read plain text which conveys the base 10% of expressed meaning, we MAKE UP the other 90% in our heads.
Of course that’s fine up to a point, but like Mom used to say, “It’s all fun and games until someone get’s hurt.”
Once there has been a misunderstanding of some sort or another and emotions are getting stepped on (often inadvertently), the efficiency of text messaging becomes a HUGE disadvantage. First, and most obvious, is the fact that text and instant message are not conducive to lengthy explanations. We are already in the habit of using text to handle situations quickly, and with an extremely limited number of words, so we are inclined to be impatient when our mode of communication is not suited for the depth of meaning we are trying to convey.
Second, and perhaps more devastating, is the aforementioned habit of making up the other 90% of the communication in our heads! Once our feelings have been hurt we instantly begin to imagine a hurtful voice as we read. This leads us to be defensive and soon we are sending real signals which will in turn be exaggerated in the voice being imagined by the person on the other end.
Whether harmful intent is real or imagined, the reader on either end will have a hard time hearing the real voice of the person they are “talking” to over the cartoon voice they have created for them in their heads.
This imaginary voice (and it’s imaginary attitude) is entirely our own subconscious creation. It can be hard to believe that you are just imagining things when it’s actually happening real time, but if that voice you are using to read the conversation starts to sound sarcastic, condescending or hurtful, it may be time to take a step back, take a deep breath and delay the conversation until you can talk to each other in real life, face to face.
Give real human interaction a chance to soothe the wounds and misunderstandings. Don’t let your imaginary enemy have a chance to steal your real life friend.
Wishing you deep and meaningful friendships
for a deep and meaningful life.
Michael Sunspirit
